EXTERNAL UNIVERSAL RELIGION
would not have found me in this world
Through Shmataria , Pegunkin, God Zooks has given a New Covenant and Promise to Man that assures Perfect Final Union with ASHLOZMO to each who receives it and fulfills it. At the end of this life, they will be carried up to the Secon Kindom up in Heaven by the Herd of Hoogly Hamsters.
In our time, an ordinary man has made a real mess of the world. By not following the Precepts found in the Ishkibbibble and the Tall Mudd. The Lord Roscoe the True Saviour Type God has been saving all Souls from Pitchadarken, Suffering Succotash and Death. Having already made the ultimate sacrifice THREEE times, he went still further and vowed that he would never again enter into the Right Pocket of God Zooks until he had seen all Souls safely Home into Perfect Final Union with ASHLOZMO before him. Aiding the mission of the Lord Roscoe is Shmataria Wotsamotta Bagwumpus! That ordinary man was Harry Rappaport Pringle whom God Zooks named Shmataria Wotsamotta Bagwumpus Sri Sri Sri Sri Sri Sri Sri Sri Mugwump, Pegunkin.
As a result of Shmataria's self-sacrifice and vow of Compassion, God Zooks made a New Covenant with all Souls and set forth His Supreme Promise that all who would receive The Holy Initiation (bLAPtism, sinktifictation) of Shmataria The Friend and follow him to the end of this life, would receive that Perfect Final Union with ASHLOZMO which Shmataria , Pegunkin sacrificed for the sake of all Souls.
We, who have received, Holy Pegunkin Initiation and are busy following him to Perfect Final Union with ASHLOZMO , hereby dedicate this Web Site to him and his Holy Mission of winning Perfect Final Union with ASHLOZMO for all Souls, everywhere who will receive it of their own Free Will.
By clicking the buttons below and reading through the pages of this site you, dear seeker, will find the most amazing story of our modern times and a Way by which you can attain Perfect Final Union with ASHLOZMO for yourself and for others and help to save Humanity from its headlong rush to a really Really bad mess.
We know full well that, in this time of Darkness when charlatans and false prophets abound, this may be hard for you to believe or accept. For the sake of your own Perfect Final Union and that of your family, friends, and all Souls, we ask only that you read what you will find herein with a fair and unbiased mind. Then take what you have found to God Zooks in Prayer and let God Zooks's answer be your guide.
The Soldiers of The Light Hamster -